Cult disregards Feind's warning and takes a 'stab' at a shark infested “B”
*Feind Note: It wasn't a warning it was a specific request. Cult is now dead to me!
*Feind Note: It wasn't a warning it was a specific request. Cult is now dead to me!
Sharknado 2 – The Second One
Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante (2014 The Asylum/SyFy Channel)
*Feind Note - I threw up a little just viewing that trailer
Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante (2014 The Asylum/SyFy Channel)
*Feind Note - I threw up a little just viewing that trailer
Cult's Thoughts...
*Peppered with Feind's commentary!
*Peppered with Feind's commentary!
Within the past week my television has been literally bombarded with non stop advertisements for a certain shark movie, a sequel in fact, where ever I look it's either Sharknado this, or Sharknado that. It appears that even Jared of Subway (Zombies - Eat Flesh...sorry I couldn't help myself!) fame is involved, so there's no second guesses needed as to who might be partially sponsoring this movie. Unable to help myself (I'm feeling brave, I'll take one for the TDBS team *It sure wasn’t gonna be Feind!) I decide to tune in to take a peek to see what all the hubbub was about.
I will admit I cheated and DVR’d the whole event, for that's what it was. Social media is still abuzz, Twitter is still reeling from a hash tagging (#) frenzy and Facebook... well, I have absolutely no idea, as I don't post anything there. I can only guess that the whole country might have been at a complete stand still as a result of millions of housewives, busy neglecting their offspring, logging on in order to mention their love for Finn (Mark McGrath).
Yes, this is a real thing :(
From what I can gather the first one was very successful, and not due in any part to its amount (or lack thereof) of Oscar nominations I'm to understand. Perhaps I will watch that also but only after this (I've never been one to conform to rules) and also depending on if I'm able to keep my glance away from my cell phone's display (the 'Time check test'). *I'm already checking my watch! - Feind
I have visions of a warehouse (somewhere in California) filled to the rafters with SyFy movies whose titles mention sharks in one form or another (there's actually another one being advertised as I type this) and I find it comical that this is one of only a few that doesn't mention the word 'versus' in it's title, I'm personally waiting for Giant Shark vs. King Kong or Godzilla for that matter (rolls eyes*).
I have visions of a warehouse (somewhere in California) filled to the rafters with SyFy movies whose titles mention sharks in one form or another (there's actually another one being advertised as I type this) and I find it comical that this is one of only a few that doesn't mention the word 'versus' in it's title, I'm personally waiting for Giant Shark vs. King Kong or Godzilla for that matter (rolls eyes*).
So just what is it about this movie that has drawn so much attention?
*Feind's guess: Too many people with no taste or an alien virus has turned many brains to a gelatinous goo
*Feind's guess: Too many people with no taste or an alien virus has turned many brains to a gelatinous goo
Without futher ado I retired to my couch, propped my backside against a pillow, placed a huge bowl of colorful teeth rotting snacks on my lap, turned my phone's notifications to silent and pressed play hoping to unlock the “code”. The opening credits roll and I mentally prepare myself, for it was only yesterday that Feind mentioned that the first one, Sharknado, was beyond horrid and that he wanted absolutely no part in even glancing at The Second One.
*Feind Note: Feind did not watch the first one either nor will he ever, Cult may be dead to me by the end of this review. I threw up in my mouth a little just at the thought and it isn’t improving. I’ll try to make it through. Anyone have a bucket? Pleeeeaaaassssseeeeeee
*Feind Note: Feind did not watch the first one either nor will he ever, Cult may be dead to me by the end of this review. I threw up in my mouth a little just at the thought and it isn’t improving. I’ll try to make it through. Anyone have a bucket? Pleeeeaaaassssseeeeeee
Just an artist's rendering MST3000 was not a cartoon
It took me only a moment to realize that I had in fact recorded the #Twe-peat (Twitter hashtag heavy) re-airing of this, within no time at all my annoyance level skyrockets as I witness my screen start to reflect handpicked viewer's opinions on the movie as it runs. Honestly this wouldn't have been too bad if the notifications shown were honest and not all ass kissing, Church of Sharknado-esque devotee level drivel, at least allow me to chuckle at an assortment of humorous commentary (no matter how PC it might or might not be). Deviating for just a moment, does anyone remember the stunning brilliance that was MST3000?
*Feind does and not even the brilliance of Mystery Science Theater 3000 could save Sharknado 1 or 2!
*Feind does and not even the brilliance of Mystery Science Theater 3000 could save Sharknado 1 or 2!
Kelly Osbourne
I've heard that this movie folllows directly from the first (but without a viewing I cannot comment). The opening scene finds Finn (Ian Ziering, a man notorious for not having aged in the past twenty years) and April (Tara Reid, no comment) on a plane heading to New York to promote the book penned by April entitled (don't quote me), How To Survive A Sharknado Storm/Attack. Of course the plane has some technical issues, I won't state exactly what (let's keep this spoiler free... for now) but suffice it to say that a stewardess sporting a purple bob haircut, hardly adhering to any professional dress code that I know of (it's Kelly Osbourne, yes Ozzy's daughter!) loses her head.
Another cameo in the opening few minutes that almost made me “lose my shit” was that of Robert Hayes who is famous for also playing a pilot in the comedic masterpiece Airplane! (Oh the irony!).
*Unlike Sharknado, Airplane! is one of Feind’s favorites and a classic!
Another cameo in the opening few minutes that almost made me “lose my shit” was that of Robert Hayes who is famous for also playing a pilot in the comedic masterpiece Airplane! (Oh the irony!).
*Unlike Sharknado, Airplane! is one of Feind’s favorites and a classic!
Tara Reid
I feel the need to also mention that Wil Wheaton (of Star Trek -The Next Generation fame) also gets to briefly enjoy the inner workings of a shark's digestive system. Oh, and Tara Reid has a spot of trouble concerning one of her hands, herein lies my first bone of contention with this movie, could it not have been her head instead?
*First bone of contention? The title did it for Feind!
This entire scene is chock full of action and unbelievable predatory oversized fish antics all frosted off nicely with splatteriffic CGI effects.
*No amount of gore will get Feind to watch this!
*First bone of contention? The title did it for Feind!
This entire scene is chock full of action and unbelievable predatory oversized fish antics all frosted off nicely with splatteriffic CGI effects.
*No amount of gore will get Feind to watch this!
William Shatner - Twilight Zone
A fantastic start to this movie which has it's tongue planted firmly in it's cheek, at one point April (Reid) suggests that a shark looked at her as if it actually recognized and remembered her (from the first outing perhaps?) the look she receives from her companion is priceless, I'm surprised that he didn't look directly into the camera only to raise an eyebrow. A casual viewer won't have any trouble in pointing out an obvious homage dedicated to a very famous Twilight Zone episode.(*As a huge Twilight Zone fan Feind just burst into tears before barfing… again.) Well everyone, excluding, of course, the few passengers that get sucked out of the fuselage, those slathered in various stomach acids and let's not forget those missing vital parts lands safely and Finn becomes a national hero, because a plane doesn't land itself, right? (Hey...a Spoiler! Feind, I can do it! *Yes but you did it for Sharknado, I weep.) All this and the movie still has eighty minutes left, can I breathe yet?
Without mentioning more scene play-by-plays and glorious details, I will state that the remainder of the movie was, to my stunning disbelief, very enjoyable. (*Feind just vomitted again!) True to form there are a shit-ton (Hey! That should be a word!) of additional cameos, look for an actor made famous in (driving a) Taxi, driving a taxi, huh? And of course Jared eating, you guessed it, nothing even slightly resembling sushi. Judah Freidlander (A comedian infamous for being the “world's greatest at everything” he attempts) plays one of the least annoying characters in this movie and IMO steals most of the scenes he's in. *George Carlin rising from the grave to make a cameo appearance couldn't get me to watch this! - Feind
The second half of the movie overflows with carnage (bring a 'brollie' for there will be blood). Sharks swim up, down and through New York pretty much minding their own business happily surrounded by two legged snacks , which are everywhere, free range humans if you will.
*Hang on, Feind rolled his eyes so hard they poppped out of his damn head again!
The second half of the movie overflows with carnage (bring a 'brollie' for there will be blood). Sharks swim up, down and through New York pretty much minding their own business happily surrounded by two legged snacks , which are everywhere, free range humans if you will.
*Hang on, Feind rolled his eyes so hard they poppped out of his damn head again!
At this point in the movie I felt myself starting to feel a little for the (legions of) dorsal finned bastards, understandably it isn't everyday that a world eater of a storm transports you from your normal environment only to drop you thousands of miles away into a strange and altogether hostile new one and I don't have any doubts that an experience such as this would leave anyone a might peckish.
*At this point in editing this review Feind was overcome with uncontrollable vomiting, who has that bucket?! Damn it, hang on I need a mop!
*At this point in editing this review Feind was overcome with uncontrollable vomiting, who has that bucket?! Damn it, hang on I need a mop!
Standout moments of the second half (yea I know, I'm making the film sound more like a soccer game now) include Matt Lauer's reluctance to say the word 'Sharknado' as he's prompted repeatedly by Al Roker to do so. Lady Liberty's head bounces to give chase through the many burroughs of NYC and Finn displays his handiness with a chainsaw, whomever doesn't think of Ash / Bruce Campbell (obviously of Evil Dead fame) at this exact moment should unquestionably shred their horror junkie membership (shame on you!).*Cough* Feind thinks one’s horror membership card should be revoked just for watching Sharknado!
Another scene featuring Tara Reid (I swear just like a nuclear waste contaminated graveyard full of corpses her career rises again and again and try as hard as you might you just cannot keep her down, sorry... I mean them!) also ranks up there amongst the film's most memorable, I obviously have a slight problem in admitting that *Apparently NOT! - Feind. Fans of the Japanese “balls-to-the-wall-over-the-top-gore” horror/anime genre (for I'm sure it is one by now) may recognize the film (probably more than a handful out there by now) from which this idea was pulled. I won't spoil it but I will however mention that, somehow, she now has an operational, spinning steel bladed power tool attached where her hand once was, (like that was an operation covered by any reputable insurance plan!) for the life of me I couldn't spy an extension cord.
Excuse me Doctor. Before we start the operation can I choose...the ‘attachment’?
This is a fun film folks (Noooooo – Feind), there I've admitted it. It also has the acclaim of being one of only a few SyFy movies that I've actually sat the whole way through. *Why man? Just fucking why!?! – Feind
Excuse me Doctor. Before we start the operation can I choose...the ‘attachment’?
This is a fun film folks (Noooooo – Feind), there I've admitted it. It also has the acclaim of being one of only a few SyFy movies that I've actually sat the whole way through. *Why man? Just fucking why!?! – Feind
I liked a great deal about this movie (*With this line Cult officially died to Feind. It’s a sad day. Anyone wanna go for a beer?), there's humor, have no doubts it's not wholly unintentional as the film doesn't take itself too seriously (*Ummm Cult? It’s called Sharknado!). There's a veritable avalanche of effects (not as many as I would have liked to be practical ones though) most are CGI and I can only assume many are specifically constructed to have a particular aura of outlandishness about them for certain scenes. Also the acting isn't altogether horrid bearing in mind that it was produced to be intentionally 'camp'. *Hate to interject (No not really) again but “camp”? Don’t you mean “crap”? – Feind
In conclusion you could do a hell of a lot worse (*This is solely Cult’s opinion and does not represent the “correct” opinion of Feind, Cult is OVERRULED!), believe me I would take no greater pleasure than to be able to say that I thought this film was utter schiite (*Ummm Cult? Please seek out psychological help immediately. Just trying to help. – Feind), but for the life of me I just can't. Perhaps I'll be able to hand down that judgment on the first, or perhaps the third installment? (*Feind just had a heartattack. Someone please call 911!) A sequel that's rumored to be located in space. This only makes me wonder if perhaps the fourth will be shot, wait for it, underwater, now there's a concept! *Feind just simultaneously rolled his eyes and vomited causing his head to explode.
So for all of you that like to skim articles and skip to the final line of a review for the 'Final verdict', here it is... (WARNING: Feind suggests you serious read this over the nearest toilet or have a bucket handy. Unfortunately Cult did not give me this warning and now I need a mop again!)
Grab a bunch of friends (Preferably ones who won’t kill you – Feind), copious amounts of alcohol (They don’t make that much! – Feind) and call in sick for work the next day, this movie was designed to get hammer-(head)-ed to (see what I did there!). *Feind saw what you did there Cult and be happy, very happy, you are out of striking distance!
Grab a bunch of friends (Preferably ones who won’t kill you – Feind), copious amounts of alcohol (They don’t make that much! – Feind) and call in sick for work the next day, this movie was designed to get hammer-(head)-ed to (see what I did there!). *Feind saw what you did there Cult and be happy, very happy, you are out of striking distance!
Feind is gonna cut all ties and refuse to look at any more of my 'work' I understand this, as I whole heartedly believe this is...
THE SHIT!
*Feind seriously died inside during the editing process and will now be roaming the streets aimlessly. If you see him please do him a favor: 1) Give him a Damn Sammich! and 2) DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE SAY THE WORD SHARKNADO!
THE SHIT!
*Feind seriously died inside during the editing process and will now be roaming the streets aimlessly. If you see him please do him a favor: 1) Give him a Damn Sammich! and 2) DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE SAY THE WORD SHARKNADO!
Cult has a rebuttal for himself???
*Oh my fucking Satan! Cult has more to say on this? Really!?! - Feind
*Oh my fucking Satan! Cult has more to say on this? Really!?! - Feind
Yes, Jabberjaw is better than Sharknado!
Cult - As an after thought I find societies willingness to accept violence against sharks as being acceptable as rather odd. (I'm not a granola eating hippy type, just stating an opinion here) Sharks have existed for millions of years, (HAHA, choke on a dinosaur bone silly Christian types!) relatively unaltered by evolution, and stand out as one of nature's ultimate killing machines, perhaps then it is our fear of them and their ability that allows us to think it's hardly wrong, in the slightest, to slaughter them wholesale.
Or perhaps we feel this way based on the antics of the beast in Jaws?
One thing is for certain though, if the movie was instead called Catnado, Dognado or even Chihuahuanado (I'm thinking that wouldn't be so bad!) audiences would be beyond pissed and PETA would inevitably kill several thousand trees (irony) by printing mountains of protest pamphlets.
Of course this is only a movie, a glaringly obvious work of fiction, can anyone possibly perceive it as otherwise? I have no plans to write a complaint letter to theSyFy channel (at present, although some of their previous effort have prompted me to think upon it!) an example of which would ultimately only display anyone's need for a higher dose of medication. *Cult you willingly watched Sharknado you are obviously off your meds! - Feind
This is a movie, nothing more, a mere ninety minutes of escapism, take time out to appreciate it for what it is, a glorious example of over the top cinema.
Again, sorry Feind.
*Don’t be sorry Cult but I would suggest grabbing your toaster, walking into your bathroom, filling the tub with nice warm water ( hell go ahead and put some bubblebath in there, treat yourself!), then plug that toaster in, get in the water and gently set the toaster between your legs. You had a good run Cult, you will be missed… Not by me but I mean you do have a mum or something, right? HAHAHAHA
Or perhaps we feel this way based on the antics of the beast in Jaws?
One thing is for certain though, if the movie was instead called Catnado, Dognado or even Chihuahuanado (I'm thinking that wouldn't be so bad!) audiences would be beyond pissed and PETA would inevitably kill several thousand trees (irony) by printing mountains of protest pamphlets.
Of course this is only a movie, a glaringly obvious work of fiction, can anyone possibly perceive it as otherwise? I have no plans to write a complaint letter to theSyFy channel (at present, although some of their previous effort have prompted me to think upon it!) an example of which would ultimately only display anyone's need for a higher dose of medication. *Cult you willingly watched Sharknado you are obviously off your meds! - Feind
This is a movie, nothing more, a mere ninety minutes of escapism, take time out to appreciate it for what it is, a glorious example of over the top cinema.
Again, sorry Feind.
*Don’t be sorry Cult but I would suggest grabbing your toaster, walking into your bathroom, filling the tub with nice warm water ( hell go ahead and put some bubblebath in there, treat yourself!), then plug that toaster in, get in the water and gently set the toaster between your legs. You had a good run Cult, you will be missed… Not by me but I mean you do have a mum or something, right? HAHAHAHA
Parting Thought from Feind...
The only acceptable shark movie!
Here’s Feind’s review, bear in mind Feind has never and will never watch Sharknado 1, 2 or any other part they make.
My REVIEW: Sharks in a tornado, stupid things happen to stupid people, no nudity, random stupidity, Feind barfs, the end. The only thing about Sharknado that is THE SHIT is when the end credits roll. Feind would rather be covered in paper cuts from head to toe and dive in a vat of salt than watch this. There! Now Feind implores you good people:
DO NOT WATCH SYFY CHANNEL GARBAGE!! Go Watch Jaws! That is all.
FEIND OUT!
My REVIEW: Sharks in a tornado, stupid things happen to stupid people, no nudity, random stupidity, Feind barfs, the end. The only thing about Sharknado that is THE SHIT is when the end credits roll. Feind would rather be covered in paper cuts from head to toe and dive in a vat of salt than watch this. There! Now Feind implores you good people:
DO NOT WATCH SYFY CHANNEL GARBAGE!! Go Watch Jaws! That is all.
FEIND OUT!
*Feind Note: Yes, Cult is dead to me now and I have a delete button BWAHAHAHAHA!
Let us know what you think Scribbler Fans! Do you find this garbage entertaining like Cult or does it make you die inside like Feind? Leave your comments below and have a great week!
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